


and what it means to be

by Rayellah



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Gen, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 05:07:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2839148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rayellah/pseuds/Rayellah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dwarves were not meant to be the sky.</p><p>But he is, he is the sky and clouds and snow and wind and stars which never watch their brothers die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and what it means to be

**Author's Note:**

> i've always wanted to write a disjointed "oh shit i'm dying" stream-of-consciousness for a dying character so. here's that.

He was on the ground and she held his hand but after a moment he stopped being able to _hear_ her not because he didn't want to listen but because he _couldn't_ he was slipping, losing himself, going going _gone_ and he was on the ground _probably_.

He couldn't stop staring at her and staring at the sky staring at _Tauriel_ staring at the sky staring at the sky

the sky

He remembered someone said something about keeping safe don't die Don't die he was just supposed to scout on with his brother Find one way to go while Fíli went the other way Don't die so he didn't, not for a time, he watched his brother fall, dyingdyingdead and he stayed where he was he stayed, felt his breath in his chest, slowly, pretended his breath was Fíli's but it wasn't inhale-exhale and nomorebigbrother he felt his inhales and his exhales turn to rage and rage and rage and

that's all he can remember. That's all he can remember. That's all he can remember. That's all. Nothing but the anger, at first, then the fear, then the pain, then the sky.

Inhale-exhale.

The cold air stings his lungs and every breath hurts but that might be the cold or it might be the injury killing him the air fills his lungs with daytime sky and his mother once told him to be safe and gave him a stone made him promise to come home. Fíli take care of your brother, Kíli and Fíli come home and now there is no mother, no brother, just the sky.

And under the sky, a she-elf more beautiful than he's ever seen and she is telling him not to die, she is, and he tried to listen but under the pain the world was smoothbright and beautiful and leaving him, or he was leaving it, he was dying and she was crying and he can't leave but he _is_.

Inhale-exhale.

His lungs hurt with every inhale.

He hurts.

Inhale-exhale.

And there's the sky. The world's all bright colours, soft-edged and _slow_ measured by the sound of his heartbeat and there are _lots_ of heartbeats, his heart is beat-beat-beating quick, beating his blood through his veins and _out_ and he is _leaving_ there's daysky in his veins and he wants it to be nightsky, to see _her_ under the sky _she_ loves if she is going to be the last thing he sees he wants it to matter. He is the sky and he is the clouds too and the snow

ground

Tauriel

bleeding

bright

Inhale-exhale.

Breathing still hurts and he tries to tell her it's _okay_ but she cries _why is she crying oh right I'm dying_.

That would make him laugh deliriously if he weren't too far goingoingone and he is clouds and snow and sky, too.

A hand reaches for his and for his hair and she holds him and nomorebigbrother nomoremother. He doesn't want to die and his heart stutter-stops like wind or like digging or no that isn't _right_ but he doesn't know what it _is_ like so winddigging will suffice. He's dying anyway, and she knows. _I'm dying anyway, you know._

She knows.

Dwarves were not meant to be the sky.

But he is, he is the sky and clouds and snow and wind and stars which never watch their brothers die, rain which never dies and the sun which does so much better than him. He is a dwarf and he is the sky. He holds her hand and he is the sky and this is what he wants, he wants to be in love for the rest of his life, he doesn't want _this_ to be the rest of his life but apart from the dying, this feels right.

Rain doesn't leave its elven love.

Can't see the sky through the clouds.

Can't hear the stars through the pounding of his heart.

Kíli sky Fíli sun Kíli clouds Fíli still, still as stones, stones that dwarves know, stones that dwarves understand, still as that, still as not moving on the ground and Kíli wants to cry can't cry not without the blood dripping from where it hurts.

And Tauriel is speaking and he can't hear her anymore but he loves her.

Wants to cry hurt can't cry can't want cry want can't want can't want it's dark it's dark it's darker he's leaving.

Inhale-exhale.

“Tauriel.”

Inhale-exhale.

Fíli was a golden son and Kíli was a little brother

Inhale-exhale.

Golden son falling golden son falling she-elf running swift beautiful can't leave must leave, all blurry, all dark, not bright anymore, blood drip-drip-dripping heart beat-beat-beating slower. One heartbeat, pause.

Inhale-exhale.

Another, weaker.

Inhale-exhale.

Mortality straining against the inevitable. Always. He wants to live she is beautiful and he wants to live she is the night sky or is he the sky he can't remember.

Inhale-exhale.

It was okay, he was okay. She healed him once but now it's too late he's noise she's silent he's leaving.

Inhale-exhale.

Inhale-exhale

Inhale

 

_oh._

 

 

The _sky._

 


End file.
